non_horation | the fic that confused everyone at ffn

Title: Not Exactly Love Letters
Fandom: Alias
Disclaimer: I don't own Alias, it belongs to JJ Abrams.
Spoilers: Up to the end of season 3
Pairings: Sydney/Vaughn, sort of
Summary: The end of a love story.
Rating: PG
A/N: Set post-season 3, assuming Syd and Vaughn get back together right away.

Dear Michael,

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Dear Vaughn,

I used to think that once we were back together, everything would go back to normal. We could pick up where we left off, and everything would be alright. I wonder now how I could have ever been so naive. We're not the same people anymore, you and I, and I can't pretend any longer. I know you've tried so hard to be the same for me, but something is constantly reminding me that you're not. It's the little things that bother me the most, you know. Like your toothpaste. You changed toothpaste brands, sometime while I was gone, and every time I kiss you, you taste different. The toothpaste you used to use had stripes. What you use now is white and plain and bitter. It burns my lips, my tongue, my throat like poison, because I know that it's what she tasted when she kissed you. She whispered, "I love you," in your ear with that taste still in her mouth. Not me. It makes me think that she could have sucked your breath, your soul right out, and nothing would be left of you at all except for that bitter minty smell on her breath. Sometimes I think that she did. No matter how much we both try to deny it, you have changed. I don't think that you're the man I loved anymore

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Dear Vaughn,

Writing this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. I just need to tell you that I can't keep on pretending that everything is fine and the last three years did not change us! I wanted to pretend, to be who I used to be, for you, but I'm not, and you aren't either, and if I have to pretend for one more second I'm going to go crazy

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Dear Vaughn,

I'm sorry, I have to get out of here for a while. I'll be back soon, and maybe then things will be better. But I'm just feeling so smothered and I'm going to fall apart completely if I don't get a break from this. Why do you do this to me? Why did you let her change you into someone else? I think I could live with that, with you being this new person that she created, if you would just admit it! I know what it's like, how much betrayal can hurt you - but you won't let me help you, and watching you walking around without a soul is scaring me

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Vaughn,

I think that we both need a break, just for a little while. I'll be back in a few days, and everything will be fine. I'm really sorry about all of this, but seeing you so hurt and not knowing how to help you is hurting me. It hurts so much and I'm just not strong enough to

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Vaughn,

I'm going over to Eric's for a few days because you've been acting so weird and angry and I'm scared you'll hurt me by accident, and you'll never be able to live with yourself. Please believe me, this isn't selfish, it isn't for me. It's for you. I love you so much and it kills me to leave, but I'm not doing you any good by staying here. Maybe I can't help you anymore. Maybe

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Vaughn,

Do you remember what it used to be like, before? I would wake up next to you and feel more safe than I ever had before. You protected me, Vaughn, and I never, ever, imagined that I would be in the situation that I'm in now. I'm scared of you, of what you have become, and I hate it! I hate this, it's killing me, and I can't lie to you anymore

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Vaughn,

This isn't working. I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days, and maybe then we'll be able to work something out. I'm sorry.

- Syd.