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[personal profile] non_horation
Request for [ profile] agent_nica!

This fic really did confuse everyone at ffn! I got this weird review asking me to put things like "three days later..." between the paragraphs, or describe her writing the different ones. They obviously didn't get that she's making multiple attempts to write the same letter. I don't know if I was unclear or they were just insane. :-p

I wrote this thing in paleoanthropology class (Lucy!) because I was bored of looking at stone tools.

Dear Michael,

I don't want you to go insane and dump acid on me!


Dear Vaughn  somehow in this case, the last name is more personal,

I used to think that once we were back together, everything would go back to normal. Which she didn't, canonically, she became an insane vampire instead. We could pick up where we left off, and everything would be alright. I wonder now how I could have ever been so naive. Naive was her middle name once upon a time. In that ancient era where she only killed people by accident. We're not the same people anymore, you and I, and I can't pretend any longer. I know you've tried so hard to be the same for me, but something is constantly reminding me that you're not. The constant angsty stubble aside. It's the little things that bother me the most, you know. Like your lack of sanity toothpaste. You changed toothpaste brands, sometime while I was gone, and every time I kiss you, you taste different. This part is kind of weird, but I like it. It's the little changes that bother Syd the most about her missing two years. The toothpaste you used to use had stripes. What you use now is white and plain and bitter. Heh, kind of like Lauren. It burns my lips, my tongue, my throat like poison, because I know that it's what she tasted when she kissed you. She whispered, "I love you," in your ear with that taste still in her mouth. I would say at least it was the taste of his toothpaste. Not me. It makes me think that she could have sucked your breath, your soul right out, and nothing would be left of you at all except for that bitter minty smell on her breath. Syd is obviously not all there anymore. Sometimes I think that she did. No matter how much we both try to deny it, you have changed. I don't think that you're the man I loved anymore  - and then Syd realises that saying these things isn't the best way to achieve the goal of Vaughn not going insane and stuffing her in a fridge.


Dear Vaughn,

Writing this is a lot harder than I thought it would be. But it was one of the easiest fics I ever wrote.  I just need to tell you that I can't keep on pretending that everything is fine and the last three years did not  turn me into a robot - why didn't I use a contraction there? change us! I wanted to pretend, ignore that comma, aaaa to be who I used to be, for you, but I'm not, and you aren't either  that came out so weird, it sounds like he isn't who she used to be, and if I have to pretend for one more second I'm going to go crazy


Dear Vaughn,

I'm sorry, I have to get out of here for a while. I'll be back soon, and maybe then things will be better. But I'm just feeling so smothered and I'm going to fall apart completely if I don't get a break from this. My mental Vaughn was so much crazier than the canon S4 Vaughn. I mean, S4 Vaughn was sad and hallucinatory, but he wasn't dumping caustic acid on people or anything. Why do you do this to me? Why did you let her change you into someone else? I think I could live with that, with you being this new person that she created, if you would just admit it! I know what it's like, how much betrayal can hurt you  though, admittedly, I never actually married a terrorist - but you won't let me help you, and watching you walking around without a soul is scaring me


Vaughn, In an attempt to get even more personal, dispense with the "Dear"...

I think that we both need a break, just for a little while. I'll be back in a few days, The original version of the fic I posted had this typoed as "a few sats" and everything will be fine. I'm really sorry about all of this, but seeing you so hurt and not knowing how to help you is hurting me. It hurts so much and I'm just not strong enough to



I'm going over to Eric's for a few days because you've been acting so weird and angry and I'm in love with him scared you'll hurt me by accident, or on purpose and you'll never be able to live with yourself. Please believe me, this isn't selfish, it isn't for me. Except that maybe it is. It's for you. I love you so much and it kills me to leave, but I'm not doing you any good by staying here. Maybe I can't help you anymore. Maybe you're irreconcilably insane.



Do you remember what it used to be like, before? When we were in that weird sex bubble and I didn't notice that my best friend had suddenly GONE PSYCHO? I would wake up next to you and feel more safe than I ever had before. Ew, why did I say "before" twice? You protected me, Vaughn, Guardian angel - and I never, ever, imagined that I would be in the situation that I'm in now. - FROM HELL!  I'm scared of you, of what you have become, and I hate it! I hate this, it's killing me, and I can't lie to you anymore except that I totally can!



This isn't working. I'm going to stay with a friend for a few days, and maybe then we'll be able to work something out. I'm sorry.

- Syd.

Hee, way to say nothing. They never really seem to communicate very well in my ficworld. :-p
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